Do you like movies? Of course you do. Why would you be looking at a gallery about movies if you didn't like movies? That's rhetorical; don't answer it out loud. When a movie is big and popular, especially if it originates from another country, there's a good chance that Hollywood will be like, "I see money! Let's remake it!"
At times, this formula can work. The Swedish film Let The Right One In (2008), from Tomas Alfredson, was remade in 2010 as Let Me In, which was directed by Matt Reeves. Sure, the vampire remake misses some of the intricacies of the original, but overall, it's a great movie geared towards an American audience. And it's not the only example. We've previously looked at what we consider the best horror movie remakes of all time.
However, you know what Hollywood is even better at? Bad remakes of horror movies!
1. Lights Out
Lights Out (2013) originated as a very creepy short horror film coming in at a little more than two minutes long. Go watch it now, as it's an amazing balance of horror, suspense, and strangely enough, world building. In fact, I have written about it before. David F. Sandberg (Shazam) directed both the short film and the feature-length remake, which came out in 2016.
The issue with the remake is that it takes all the mystique out of the original. Way too much time is spent building on the history and rules of the ghost that can only be seen when the lights are out, which seems a bit wild, considering the screenplay is by Academy Award-nominated writer Eric Heisserer. There's a lot going on in this movie that revolves around the main character and their connection to the ghost in the film. It feels bloated and doesn't contain the same scares as the original.
2. Ghostbusters: Answer The Call
Remember when this movie was announced and some people on the internet were like, "Ugh, a Ghostbusters reboot with all women!" And then the movie came out and they were like, "Told ya!" Well, the movie wasn't great, but it totally wasn't for the reasons those angry folks said it would be--because they're totally sexist.
Answer The Call is a mediocre movie, with a great cast and some funny moments. However, what really drags it down is that it's exceptionally formulaic. You can see the beats coming from a mile away, and the film relies heavily on CGI. And let's be really honest about the Ghostbusters franchise as a whole: Every movie is trying to be a variation of the first film. They're all just "ok" at best. The difference with Answer The Call is that there's a lot of potential here, but it's a bit unremarkable when compared to the original.
3. The Grudge (2020)
2004's The Grudge was already a remake of the Japanese film from 2002 titled Ju-on. This was during the wave of American remakes of Japanese horror films. And The Grudge was fine. The original Japanese film starts prior to the events of the main plot when a man murders his wife, his cat, and his son. The deaths create a curse inside the house, which kills the husband. Anyone who enters the house becomes cursed. Of course, a group of new people enter the house, and throughout the curse taking over them, they unlock the history behind said curse. Look, I've written "curse" a whole lot, but that's the core of the movie, and it's pretty awesome.
As previously mentioned, there was an American version in 2004, and it was pretty good. However, in 2020, there was yet another remake. Well, it's a reboot of the 2004 American version, along with being a remake, as it retells the story of the original Ju-On movie while adding a bit more to the narrative from the first film in the franchise. Is that idea confusing? Well, so is the rest of the movie. The film's narrative is all over the place, jumping between a three-year time period, making it hard to follow. The real curse here, though, it's the movie itself. If you watch it, you, yourself, become cursed with having seen it. It's like The Ring but with no girl in a well.
4. The Eye
Speaking of Asian horror films remade for American audiences that sucked (No, not Ringu, the American version was rad). In 2008, The Eye was released, a remake of the Hong Kong film by The Pang Brothers (Bangkok Dangerous--the original and remake--The Eye 2, The Eye 10). The original movie follows a 20-year-old woman who goes blind as a child. As an adult, she gets an eye transplant, and during her recovery, she gains the ability to see ghosts. However, at first, she doesn't realize they're ghosts--because why would you? People begin to think she's out of her mind because of what she is seeing, and she learns about where her new eyes really came from. It's a horrifying story with a very satisfying ending.
In 2008, Hollywood took it upon themselves to remake the movie for American audiences, starring Jessica Alba. At this point, this was the third time The Eye had been remade, with two separate versions of the movie, one in Hindi and the other in Tamil, debuting a few years prior in India. So what did America bring to this new version? A bland take on a great movie. The US version of The Eye was boring, wooden, and lacking everything great about the original film. It's an unfunny parody of itself.
If you love the original version of The Eye and want more of it, don't watch the American remake. Watch the sequels, The Eye 2 and The Eye 10, which are both great.
5. Psycho
In 1960, Alfred Hitchcock directed a deeply disturbing horror film that still resonates today. That movie is called Psycho. Whether or not you've actually seen the movie, there's a 99.9% chance you know a few moments from it. It's a movie ingrained in American film history. The story follows a motel owner who has a new guest stay with him: a woman who embezzled a bunch of money. The owner seems nice enough, but he's under the iron grip of his mother.
In 1998, Gus Van Sant remade the movie starring Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche. So what did Van Sant bring to this remake? Well, it's in color--that's one new thing. However, everything in this movie is a shot-for-shot remake of the original, but with Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche in the leading roles. Remakes, for better or worse, can be an update to an older film, a remake for American audiences, or try to add their own twist to a classic. That's not what happened here, so why bother watching the movie at all? Just watch the original. Or, if you want a good example of what remaking Psycho can be, check out the TV adaptation, Bates Motel.
6. The Mummy (2017)
Witness the beginning of the Dark Universe. Why does this tweet still exist? The original The Mummy was this rad supernatural horror film from 1932 starring Boris Karloff as the titular Mummy. An archeologist finds a scroll that brings the Mummy to life, and chaos ensues. However, when you talk about the movie The Mummy, you probably think of the 1999 film starring Brendan Fraser. That, in itself, is a remake, and it's a darn good one. We can't say the same thing about the 2017 film starring Tom Cruise.
The Mummy was the kicking-off point to the Dark Universe--during a time when every film studio was attempting to make their own shared universe because Marvel exists, so it should work for everyone, shouldn't it? Cruise plays US Army sergeant Nick Morton, who dies very early in the film, but comes back to life because of an ancient Egyptian curse that is attached to a mummy, like the title of the film. The Mummy is full of setups that would have undoubtedly spun off into other movies, like Russell Crowe appearing as Dr. Henry Jekyll. Unfortunately, in setting up the potential cinematic universe, It's a movie that forgets its own plot. Also, the flick isn't fun one bit. At least Karloff's and Fraser's movies were fun and full of intrigue.
RIP Dark Universe. Thanks for the two tweets and one bad movie.
7. A Nightmare on Elm Street
Wes Craven's 1984 film A Nightmare on Elm Street added something major to mainstream slasher films: humor. The film follows a child killer who haunts the dreams of the children whose parents burned him alive. It's imaginative and pretty creepy.
In 2010, Jackie Earle Haley took on the role of Freddy Krueger in the remake, and it's not great. Krueger's backstory is updated that he was a groundskeeper at a preschool, and he molested a group of children--the ones he's trying to kill in their dreams. Why is he so vengeful? Well, Freddy is mad that Nancy told her parents about what Freddy was doing to the kids--before he was burned alive. What the remake did was give it some real hard edges and make it a really messed-up story that is no way enjoyable to watch.
8. Hellraiser
Have you ever tried to explain Hellraiser to someone? It's tough because there's so much lore and wild ideas thrown into it. However, at the end of the day, Clive Barker's 1987 movie rules. A man named Frank finds a magical puzzle box and has to perform a bunch of murders to regain his strength and to keep cenobites--evil, killer demons that look like members of the leather community--from killing him. The leader of the evil demons is Pinhead, and like his name states, he has a bunch of pins sticking out of his head. It's a weird and horrifying movie.
In 2020, Hulu remade Hellraiser. And calling Hulu's Hellraiser a bad remake is true, as it feels completely bland compared to the original. Hulu's version is a bit long and a convoluted at times, which is quite the term to use because Hellraiser, as a whole, is convoluted enough already. There are some alright moments in it, as long as you can make it through the two hour runtime (which isn't long compared to almost any other movie, but this one drags). And when we look at the Hellraiser franchise as a whole, it's the third best film in the series--following Hellbound: Hellraiser II. Again, the bar is really low for the series as a whole. Most of the Hellraiser movies are hot garbage. Hulu's Hellraiser attempts to make something good, but ends up being just as forgettable as most of the Hellraiser movies.
9. Halloween II
The original Halloween II (1981) picks up right after the first movie. Written by John Carpenter and Debra Hill, Michael Myers isn't dead, and he's nowhere to be found. Laurie Strode is headed to the hospital. Dr. Loomis is on the hunt, but The Shape (Michael Myers) wants to kill Laurie, so it's off to the hospital to exact revenge. It's thrilling, suspenseful, and scary. Oh and Michael and Laurie are now siblings, for some reason.
Rob Zombie got his hands on the franchise and directed two films: Halloween (2005) and Halloween II (2009). The first one was fine, at best. It was nice to see someone else's take on the Michael Myers story, even if we didn't really need an overly-extensive origin tale for The Shape. Then, there was the 2009 sequel. It feels a bit like a fever dream. It follows the same beats as the original, but there are also these dream sequences or hallucinations, leading to the movie feeling like a snake eating its own tail. The focus is Michael's history more than the suspense, which ultimately leaves the viewers a bit disappointed. And seriously, what's the deal with that horse?
10. The Wicker Man
Where are the bees? Have you thought about checking your eyes? 1973's The Wicker Man exists during a time in horror cinema filled with Pagan cults and slow-burn horror. A Sergeant (played by Edward Woodward) is on the hunt for a missing girl, and it leads him to an island off the coast of Scotland, where he meets a bunch of off-putting locals who are secretly in a Pagan cult. The locals deny her existence, but the sergeant finds evidence that she was there. Eventually, it all leads to the titular wicker man, and someone being burned alive. It's awesome, and it has Christopher Lee in it, making the movie 75% more awesome/scary.
In 2006, Nicolas Cage starred as Edward Malus in the comedy The Wicker Man. This is not a horror movie by any stretch of the imagination. The plot is relatively the same: Sheriff Malus heads to an island off the coast of the United States, looking for a missing girl, and there's a giant wicker man that someone burns alive in. However, the remake adds some amazing moments like Malus's head trapped in a basket filled with bees, Malus in a bear suit punching a woman, Malus pulling a gun on a young girl in order to commandeer her bike, Malus yelling "How'd it get burned" over and over again, and Malus kicking a woman into a wall. It's comic gold but a bad remake.
If you're looking for the best cut of the movie, here it is.
11. Day of the Dead
Remaking Day of the Dead is a bizarre choice, as it's the weakest of the original Romero zombie trilogy--but still good. The original movie revolves around a group of people living underground while the zombie apocalypse rages on, on the surface. It deals with the themes of humanity, trust, militarism, and teaching a zombie to use a gun.
There are two remakes of this movie, for some reason--one in 2008 with the same title of the original and another in 2017 called Day of the Dead: Bloodline. The latter is a loose remake of the original George Romero film, surrounding the events in an underground bunker and the military group held within. The former remake takes place during the first 24 hours of the zombie outbreak in Colorado and has nothing to do with the original movie. There's also a Syfy TV series from 2021 which also surrounds the first days of the zombie apocalypse.
12. Firestarter
No, we're not talking about the song by the group Prodigy. We're talking about the movie based on a Stephen King novel. The 1984 movie follows a couple who were experimented on in college in order to unlock their psychic abilities. They have a child, Charlie McGee, played by a very young Drew Barrymore. She doesn't have psychic abilities, but she can control fire. The government takes interest in her and wants to run tests on her.
The original movie isn't very good, so how could a remake be worse? Well, it is. Released in 2022, the remake of the same name follows the same story of psychic parents giving birth to a pyrokinetic child. However, it's one of the worst Stephen King adaptations to date--which isn't the highest bar to begin with. It's boring, pointless, and a task to watch. Movies shouldn't feel like a waste of time, but ultimately, this one does.
13. The Fog
In 1980, John Carpenter and Debra Hill wrote The Fog, which Carpenter directed. The Fog takes place in a seaside town in California, preparing for its centennial celebration, 100 years after a ship sank to the bottom of the sea, outside of town, and there are rumors that the gold on the ship was used to establish the town. However, the centennial celebration doesn't go as planned, as a mysterious fog rolls into town, bringing with it vengeful ghosts. It's a memorable, classic Carpenter movie. It's not one of his best, but it's a fun flick for its time.
And as memorable and wonderful as that movie was, it got a bad remake in 2005. The ideas of the original film are kind of there. The whole plot about wronged seamen (don't laugh) coming back for vengeance and a town with a secret are there, but the remake is bland and stiff. It hits hard on supernatural elements, but it's really hard to care about the story or any of its characters. It's just boring, and horror movies shouldn't be boring.
14. The Amityville Horror
Finally, more spooky house stories. As far as The Amityville Horror goes, is there any house more iconic in horror? No. The answer is no. The 1979 film, which is based on an alleged true story (sure…), follows a family who moves into a house where a mass murder was committed--because it's cheap and the housing market is wildly expensive, just like today. However, the house is totally haunted, and the ghosts want to inhabit the fine folks living there. Of course, there's also a priest trying to bless the house because it wouldn't be a possession film without one.
In 2005, fine fellow Ryan Reynolds starred in the remake. It doesn't take place in 2005, though. It takes place during the mid-'70s. The story is relatively the same. Not a lot has changed between the two films. However, times in filmmaking have changed, and because it's 2005, it plays into jump scares, a little bit of CGI, and is filled with lots of imagery that ties into stories that are never really explained. It's not a horrible movie on its own merit, but it's very much a bad remake.
15. Silent Night
A remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night is a movie no one asked to be made. Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 could use some attention, though. Remember "Garbage Day?" (Of course, you do. You're fun and smart.) But this campy, low-production film followed a kid who witnesses a guy in a Santa suit kill his parents. Later in life, that same kid--now an adult--has a psychotic break and dresses as Santa and kills a bunch of people. It's a typical '80s slasher movie with a very boring gimmick. So already, the bar is set so low.
Somehow, in 2012, Silent Night came out, a remake of the previously-mentioned film. Again, you're probably wondering, "Why?" The movie follows a guy dressed as Santa on a killing spree. That's about it. This may be speculation, but the movie was probably remade because the "Garbage Day" meme was big in 2006, and someone thought, "Let's make reference to that by remaking the movie that came out before it!" That's probably why the line, "What is this, garbage day?" is in the remake. The difference between the remake and the original isn't just the rose-colored nostalgia glasses everyone has for the original. It's that the remake, tonally, is all over the place. It's serious, funny, wacky, and kinda-but-not-really scary. Also, six years prior, we already had Santa's Slay, a far superior killer Santa movie starring WWE Hall of Famer Bill Goldberg.
Also, watch Violent Night (2022), starring David Harbour as a killer Santa. That's the best movie featuring Santa killing people. It's not a horror movie, though. It's Die Hard meets Home Alone with Santa. Enjoy.
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