With each pack The Sims 4 adds to its ever-expanding collection of temptingly-priced DLC, the more I am enabled to do astoundingly dumb things. Things like using The Sims newest content pack, Werewolves, in conjunction with the Vampires pack, to recreate the greatest love story ever told: Twilight.
You see, after attending a press event detailing the Werewolves pack and discovering that werewolves and vampires would have an immediate distaste for one another, I knew I wanted to explore that relationship a bit--to see what kind of supernatural troubles I could stir-up in the small town of Moonwood Mill. While I was never a Twilight person (which I can now say without feeling like a complete snob because it's become cool to like it), after reading a book-and-a-half of the series back in 2006 and watching two of its movies one particularly desperate night, I knew if there were a way to inject drama into my game, it was by introducing Edward, Bella, and Jacob.
While I had to forgo importing the entirety of Forks, Washington into my game, I decided to recreate the iconic love triangle. I then forced the three of them to live in a two bedroom home together, kindled a bit of romance between Bella and her two potential suitors, then allowed the game to (mostly) run by itself. What came next can only be described as a fatal fiasco of supernatural proportions.
Before we delve into our story, let me begin by sharing my sims with you, because frankly, I spent way too much time on them. Here we have Bella, who I decided to keep human in this alternate-timeline version of Twilight. For her three traits, I decided to make her gloomy, unflirty (this may be a romance but you cannot tell me this girl can flirt), and lactose-intolerant because everyone knows hot girls always have tummy issues.
Next of course we have Edward Cullen, our sparkly vampire prince. I decided to make Edward jealous, proper, and a loner, which made living in a tiny, often-trashed two-bedroom house with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's boyfriend a bit of a nightmare for the guy.
And here we have Jacob, who I opted to keep shirtless in literally all of his outfits because it just made sense. Jacob's three traits were bro, jealous, and dog-lover, all for obvious reasons.
Move-in day was a bit hard for Edward, as the group arrived at their new home around midday, aka prime catch-on-fire time. While Edward was forced to stay indoors, Bella and Jacob got plenty of alone time with one another, a real win for those of you out there who are still Team Jacob.
But while the day was rough for Edward, the night was even ruff-er (sorry, I had to) for Jacob. The moon might have only been a waxing gibbous that first night, but over the course of the day, Jacob's fury meter had risen enough to merit a transformation. As Jacob transformed, I realized I never selected the clothing for him to wear or not-wear in werewolf mode so uh... this strange sweater with a chain combo ended up being his fit for all his wolfly endeavors.
Fortunately for Jacob, Bella didn't get the chance to see his strange attire. After completely trashing the house while Bella was sleeping, Jacob booked it outside and made his way to the forest.
However, a disgruntled Edward, who was forced to watch Jacob flirt with his beloved through a window all day, was quick to follow. The two ended up in a "Supernatural Showdown," which Edward lost spectacularly.
Jacob ended up turning back into a human on the top of this cliff and spent the next 30 minutes with the "embarrassed" moodlet. Whomst could say why.
Fortunately, there was one person who could make Jacob feel a bit better about his indecency, and she showed up not long after.
"Bella! Where the hell have you been, loca?"
For all her flaws, you gotta hand it to Bella for being one of the least judgmental partners a wolf man or half-bat could ask for. Bella was quick to comfort Jacob, and didn't remark on his transformation or his public nudity. It's safe to say the pair grew even closer this night.
When Bella and Jacob returned home from their moonlit stroll--Jacob now fully-committed to remaining nude for as long as possible--they were greeted by an incredibly distraught Edward. After getting his ass handed to him, Edward attempted to cook himself a meal and bathe only to discover Jacob had broken the oven and the tub during his werewolf rampage. Unfortunately, Edward was in too bad of a mood to repair these items, so I decided to intervene and replace them rather than let him die the first night.
However, I would soon discover my deus ex machina was in vain. The next morning, Edward decided to go to a werewolf bonfire being held in the middle of the day. Edward's body slowly began to simmer as one friendly neighbor twirled a fire baton and a decidedly less-friendly neighbor shouted obscenities at Edward.
After an incredibly generous amount of time--during all of which I waited for him to make the call to go back home or at least indoors--Edward fully caught on fire.
Once again, I decided it was time for divine intervention. While the Grim Reaper might work fast, Bella Swan works faster, and got to Edward just before the Reaper could fully claim his life. I then made our young heroine plead with the Reaper to let Edward live, and while she might not be flirty, apparently she made one hell of an argument. Edward lived to hopefully never see the light of another day.
Jacob, however, was not pleased by this development.
Following Bella saving Edward's life, the two shared a passionate kiss--right in front of Jacob. And the Grim Reaper also watched, which is a little bit weird honestly.
To add insult to injury, the two then decided to "WooHoo" (iykyk) in a bush not too far away.
While Jacob wasn't a fan of all this--and it did make his werewolf fury meter rise A LOT--at the end of the day, he wasn't too upset with Bella, a fact which made Edward borderline irate.
Even though Edward has the "proper" trait--which renders him unable to start fights--it didn't keep him from confronting and slapping Bella. This further escalated the feud between Jacob and Edward, and settled the Team Edward/Team Jacob debate for me once and for all.
While the guys got into it, Bella decided to pass out in the same bush she had just "WooHoo"d in, pushing the bounds of hygiene within this game to its absolutely breaking point.
As the fight grew more intense, so did Jacob's urge to release the beast. After recalling what happened last time Jacob transformed, Edward booked it back towards home.
Unfortunately, Jacob followed.
However, once home Edward decided there were more important matters to attend to. After a heated conversation, Edward broke up with Bella.
As if the game knew it had to outdo the levels of toxicity between these two in the book and movie series, Bella then decided to fight Edward--and won.
Ever the sore loser, Edward then decided to "Critique Bella's WooHoo" techniques.
Bella then peed herself, achieved the "mortified" moodlet, and ultimately died of embarrassment, which is, funnily enough, a super embarrassing way to die. This then caused Jacob--who had just gone back into human form--to re-enter his werewolf state. Because of this, I had no one left to plead to the Grim Reaper. Edward was too busy literally celebrating, while Jacob was incoherent.
While Jacob moped around as a werewolf, then later mourned as a human, Edward went on celebrating the death of his ex-lover turned enemy.
He celebrated so hard he forgot to go inside and died again. For a third--and final--time.
Even though Jacob might not have "won" in the books, it's clear that in this version of events, he was the better romance choice, better man/wolf, and the one Bella would have chosen had she not shuffled off her mortal coil. While he was still mourning Bella, he did get some joy in seeing Edward's urn. Not gonna lie, I did too.
Jacob then peed on Edward's grave before returning home and beginning his new life. He made several friends in the werewolf populated town of Moonwood Mill, settled down with a bleach-blonde bartender named Celeste, and passed away peacefully of old age. Ultimately, I think the takeaway from my version of Twilight is the same as the "proper" telling of it: Jacob and Bella are nothing but drama.
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